Where did you get a picture of my penis
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
