just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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