they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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