Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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