took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
