You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
