marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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