6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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