i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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