There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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