she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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