she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
