I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
