i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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