You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
