You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
