I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
