I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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