no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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