I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
