Will you blow on my dice?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
