im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
