I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
