Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
