He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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