I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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