There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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