Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
