I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i black out too much to be "responsible"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
