Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
