I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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