Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just found a bag of teeth...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
