It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You are the jesus of drinking
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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