Non-Jews are for practice
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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