cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
