Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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