Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
