Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
