Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
