What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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