And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
