Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
