Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
