Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
