when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
