I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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