You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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