mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
