Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
