You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
