at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
