apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
