They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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